Castles and Masquerade Parties

This morning I was reflecting on my personal growth journey. When I look back at who I was growing up, I am unrecognizable. My thoughts and dreams are so different from when I was a little girl.

I grew up in a home where performance and perfectionism were required for love and acceptance. That lead to people pleasing and feeling like I was “less-than” because being myself wasn’t good enough.

I liken it to living in a castle in my mind. I lived most of my younger years in the Great Hall! Always wearing masks at the events held in that room. I was always trying to be who others wanted or expected me to be. It was a place where I could go and become invisible and escape the pressure to perform.

But, that strategy left me feeling empty and small. No matter how I tried, I was never good enough just being myself. When I felt less than, I would retreat the the library. I imagined it to be several stories high with tall ladders to reach all of the knowledge that was housed there. I was a voracious reader and I would try to learn more so I could be more, then maybe, just maybe, I’d be accepted for just being myself.

I was sexually abused by my stepfather beginning at age ten. This series of events caused me to feel expendable and shameful, and that required another mask to put on to hide the shame. I often wondered why no one protected me, and it lead to feeling unworthy and undeserving of what others seemed to have in their life….love.

When I felt dejected, I’d quietly punish myself in the dungeon. You know every castle has a dungeon! Mine was filled with with inner voices of my harshest critic…me! The words I used to punish myself with left me feeling isolated, alone and abandoned undeserving of more.

That lead me to two abusive marriages. I didn’t believe I deserved better. I thought I had to just tough it out and survive. I thought I was flawed and there was no fixing me, every relationship seemed to underscore that belief. This mindset was instilled in me when I was sixteen and pregnant. Nearly every adult in my life abandoned me and left me to figure out life on my own.

As I began this journey on my own, there was no one to turn to for support or guidance. There was nowhere to go to find safety, this was long before shelters existed. The threats of retaliation if I should try to leave had a stronghold on my mind. The fear would grip me daily.

Finally, I came to a point of accepting the idea of grace. I could no longer believe a God of mercy and grace would want me or my children to live in this environment. This God of love seemed to have the answers I had spent a lifetime seeking. A new found faith put me on this journey of self-love.

It has been nearly two decades of healing and growth as I have shed layer after layer of negative and limiting thought patterns. Realizing that I didn’t have to accept the labels and expectations that others placed on me. I had the power to choose who I wanted to be and what dreams I wanted to pursue. I no longer fear losing my community because I am not enough, because I know that I am perfect, just the way I am. I was created for a special purpose that no one else can fulfill.

One I realized that self-love was the key to success in every aspect of my life, I embraced it wholeheartedly. I began to believe my voice mattered, that the lessons I learned in life are valuable and that there is power in my voice. I became unstoppable. I have realized dreams that I never thought would come true…

  • I became a competitive ballroom dancer
  • I’ve traveled the world
  • I’ve lived outside of the US
  • I’ve become a #1 Best Selling author
  • I’ve owned several of my own businesses
  • I’ve raised 4 amazing kids
  • I never gave up on finding out who I was and what I really wanted in life
  • I have become the woman I always knew I was destined to be

All of this and so much more has helped me create a unique mastermind group for women. I call it, Intrinsically Connected because I believe that everything is connected like a spiderweb and self-love is at the center of it all. Our ability to love ourselves unconditionally is tied to:

  • How deeply we can love others
  • How we allow people to treat us
  • How much risk we will take on ourselves
  • How much success we allow ourselves to experience
  • How much abundance we attract
  • How we take care of ourselves
  • How we speak to ourselves
  • How much pleasure we have in our lives
  • How much fun we have
  • How much intimacy we can develop

And, the list goes on. Every aspect of our lives is based on our ability to love ourselves and care of ourselves. If you’re looking for more in your life, join me on a year of self-exploration, self-discovery and experience transformation and empowerment from the boardroom to the bedroomTM.

This morning I was reflecting on my personal growth journey. When I look back at who I was growing up, I am unrecognizable. My thoughts and dreams are so different from when I was a little girl.

I grew up in a home where performance and perfectionism were required for love and acceptance. That lead to people pleasing and feeling like I was “less-than” because being myself wasn’t good enough.

I liken it to living in a castle in my mind. I lived most of my younger years in the Great Hall!  Always wearing masks at the events held in that room. I was always trying to be who others wanted or expected me to be.  It was a place where I could go and become invisible and escape the pressure to perform.

But, that strategy left me feeling empty and small. No matter how I tried, I was never good enough just being myself. When I felt less than, I would retreat the the library. I imagined it to be several stories high with tall ladders to reach all of the knowledge that was housed there.  I was a voracious reader and I would try to learn more so I could be more, then maybe, just maybe, I’d be accepted for just being myself.

I was sexually abused by my stepfather beginning at age ten. This series of events caused me to feel expendable and shameful, and that required another mask to put on to hide the shame. I often wondered why no one protected me, and it lead to feeling unworthy and undeserving of what others seemed to have in their life….love.

When I felt dejected, I’d quietly punish myself in the dungeon.  You know every castle has a dungeon! Mine was filled with with inner voices of my harshest critic…me!  The words I used to punish myself with left me feeling isolated, alone and abandoned undeserving of more.

That lead me to two abusive marriages. I didn’t believe I deserved better.  I thought I had to just tough it out and survive. I thought I was flawed and there was no fixing me, every relationship seemed to underscore that belief. This mindset was instilled in me when I was sixteen and pregnant. Nearly every adult in my life abandoned me and left me to figure out life on my own.

As I began this journey on my own, there was no one to turn to for support or guidance. There was nowhere to go to find safety, this was long before shelters existed. The threats of retaliation if I should try to leave had a stronghold on my mind. The fear would grip me daily.

Finally, I came to a point of accepting the idea of grace.  I could no longer believe a God of mercy and grace would want me or my children to live in this environment.  This God of love seemed to have the answers I had spent a lifetime seeking. A new found faith put me on this journey of self-love.

It has been nearly two decades of healing and growth as I have shed layer after layer of negative and limiting thought patterns. Realizing that I didn’t have to accept the labels and expectations that others placed on me.  I had the power to choose who I wanted to be and what dreams I wanted to pursue. I no longer fear losing my community because I am not enough, because I know that I am perfect, just the way I am. I was created for a special purpose that no one else can fulfill.

One I realized that self-love was the key to success in every aspect of my life, I embraced it wholeheartedly.  I began to believe my voice mattered, that the lessons I learned in life are valuable and that there is power in my voice.  I became unstoppable. I have realized dreams that I never thought would come true…

  • I became a competitive ballroom dancer
  • I’ve traveled the world
  • I’ve lived outside of the US
  • I’ve become a #1 Best Selling author
  • I’ve owned several of my own businesses
  • I’ve raised 4 amazing kids
  • I never gave up on finding out who I was and what I really wanted in life
  • I have become the woman I always knew I was destined to be


All of this and so much more has helped me create a unique mastermind group for women. I call it, Intrinsically Connected because I believe that everything is connected like a spiderweb and self-love is at the center of it all.  Our ability to love ourselves unconditionally is tied to:

  • How deeply we can love others
  • How we allow people to treat us
  • How much risk we will take on ourselves
  • How much success we allow ourselves to experience
  • How much abundance we attract
  • How we take care of ourselves
  • How we speak to ourselves
  • How much pleasure we have in our lives
  • How much fun we have
  • How much intimacy we can develop

And, the list goes on. Every aspect of our lives is based on our ability to love ourselves and care of ourselves.  If you’re looking for more in your life, join me on a year of self-exploration, self-discovery and experience transformation and empowerment from the boardroom to the bedroomTM.

I’m offering 40% off this amazing experience to the first 10 women who sign up!  Act now, grab your seat today at www.anzagoodbar.com/mastermind Join a group of women who are committed to supporting one another on a journey of growth. You’ll be glad you did!

 

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