As I coach, I work with passionate people who want to transform their lives and turn their dreams into reality. The most common struggles I see clients deal with are linked to self-love, self-compassion, positive self-talk and positive body image. If we don’t feel good about ourselves at a fundamental level, it’s impossible for us to show up and ask for what we want.
At first glance, it might look like a lot of fluff. But, the truth of the matter is if we don’t feel worthy of experiencing wealth, success, intimacy or happiness, we will never see those things show up in our lives. We can have all of the right systems and protocols in place and still fail to reach our goals.
You see, our brains are wired in such a way that our subconscious mind helps us create a positive outcome for our underlying beliefs. If we ultimately believe that we are unworthy of love, for instance, our self-talk will sabotage our efforts to create an intimate, loving relationship. I know that sounds like an adverse outcome, but look closely at the belief.
Do you struggle with negative messaging? We all do! The key is to recognize it and reprogram our mind by increasing our awareness to those judgmental messages and replacing them with positive messaging. When we hear those little gremlins whisper lies, we need to call them out and reject their deceit and confidently dispel the message with the truth.
This can only happen if you have done the inner work and can replace the self-limiting belief with a new empowering belief. Journaling can be a powerful tool to uncover self-sabotaging behaviors. My clients often think it is a silly exercise until they start to discover patterns in their thoughts and actions. Once we identify those patterns, we can dig deeper and get to the root of that belief.
Real and lasting transformation takes place from the inside out. It can be a slow process to uncover the actual root of a limiting belief. I have struggled with weight rollercoastering up and down for most of my life. I have had a longstanding love/hate relationship with my bathroom scale. I would do all of the right things, eat right, drink plenty of water, and exercise. I would take the weight off, feel great, look great and think this would be the last time I’d have to go through that cycle. I’d tell myself, “This time, I’ll be able to maintain my weight.”
Then, it would happen again, out of the blue, I’d put on a significant amount of weight. It was almost a compulsion, I had no control over the scale going up, up, up. I’d feel discouraged and disappointed with myself. My self-talk would be consistent with the pattern I was living out. It created a perpetual cycle of gains and losses. On a conscious level, I couldn’t see the reason behind this behavior.
I sought help from my doctor. His advice was to either be thin or fat, but to choose one and be happy with me. He said the cyclical gains and losses were more unhealthy for me than just choosing to be overweight. The thing was, I didn’t want to be overweight. I didn’t want to keep gaining and losing unwanted pounds. I left his office feeling defeated. I was hoping for some magic insights that would help me take the weight off once and for all.
A couple of years ago, I once again put on some excess weight. At first, I thought it was menopause and the change in my metabolism. Last year I wanted to take the weight off, but I felt paralyzed. I was frustrated with my body image, I wanted to look and feel better, but I just couldn’t force myself workout.
I got sick at the beginning of the year. I was taking NyQuil and in one of my restless sleepless nights, I began to piece things together. I began to journal about my revelations and I began to connect the dots and see patterns in my actions.
As a child and teen, I was repeatedly molested by my stepdad. As a result, I created a false belief that if I were overweight, I’d be unattractive and I would be safe. As I matured, when I felt safe, I could lose weight and feel good about myself, but when I got unwanted or persistent attention from men, I’d put the weight right back on and try to become invisible to find safety.
Once the root cause of the pattern was identified, I was able to create a new belief. As an adult, I understood that sexual abuse is a power play and not a sexual attraction. I created a plan for regaining my personal power and began to retrain my brain by replacing those negative messages with positive empowering words.
Over the past year, I have taken off much of the weight I was carrying around with ease. I have learned to love my body in its current state and the shape I am creating through healthy habits. Every day I shower myself with accolades and adorn myself with luxurious lotions and perfumes to make myself feel as beautiful on the outside as I do on the inside. Creating a self-care routine has been a pivotal part of my healing.
As a byproduct of this personal healing, I have felt more empowered in my business life too! I have been more visible, and I now show up for myself in ways I was unable to before these awarenesses came to light. I have never felt so whole and happy.
If you are struggling with issues of feeling less than or you need to revamp your self-talk, tune in tomorrow, August 27th at 9am MT as I discuss these topics and more with Julian Leahy on his podcast Blue Prints to an Abundant Life.